Learning to Live Again
by Nightcrawler's Shadow
Summary: Head under water, getting hard to breathe, life gets easier, as you go further along...R is trying to figure out this whole human thing, one step at a time. R/Julie. Rating due to smatterings of language and contemplation of pain/life/death/compliance to movie rating.
1. The Difference Between Black and White

A/N: So, saw Warm Bodies, it gave me fuzzy feelings. Then, I go and find there's barely any fanfiction. So, here's my 'cure'.

Spoilers ahead, be warned. **Takes place after the reservoir/shooting scene at the end**_**.**_

Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of any Warm Bodies affiliated ideas, nor did I come up with the concept of zombies. I'm just a girl with a computer and a mind too fast to follow.

~O~

Pain…pain was good, pain meant …meant blood, meant heartbeat, meant…meant everything. Pain was all he could focus on, pain and warmth, warmth of blood, warmth of sun leaking through the dusty window. Warmth…warmth seeping into his skin, flushed with life and blood, warmth drying his wet clothes, warmth in his fingers, running over his hand as blood leaked from the bullet wound set in his skin. Warmth, stinging the backs of his eyes…tears, he knew somehow, hot and wet and salty. Salt…salt and copper were blood, blood he'd fed on but…no, not anymore. He wanted to laugh, which was odd…laughter, could he laugh now? He could speak, probably, feel pain, definitely, cry…most likely, but laugh…God, maybe he could laugh…

R squeezed his eyes closed, body feeling heavy and…tired, or maybe…no tired, he was tired. He leaned his head against the window, feeling the vibrations of the vehicle, the growl of tires on pavement and rocks and gravel. His lips twitched slightly, into an almost smile…he'd be able to actually smile now, instead of his muscles just rotting away into uselessness. He let out a soft breath and felt his muscles relax…human, he was human…a single tear traced down his cheek and soaked into his soaked, grime and blood covered hoodie.

His hand slipped from his chest where a heart beat strong and blood pulsed slowly from the wound. Blood covered hand lying limply on his lap he fell into a gentle doze, dreamless but no less real.

All too soon, light was back, a hand on his shoulder, and a voice, familiar and real and…Julie.

His eyes opened all at once with a suddenness that seemed to shock her for a moment, used to as she was to sluggish movements and slow responses.

"Hey, we're going to have someone take a look at that now, okay?" she gestured to the wound, not bleeding as much as before, but blood soaked into his shirt and it was utterly fascinating.

"O-okay." He stuttered out, voice still rough, but smoother than before as muscles knit back together with blood and strength. Her smile was radiant and he semi-stumbled from the truck, taking in the small group of people around them. Mostly military they had their guns at their sides, but didn't look like they were about to grab and shoot which was good…probably.

R followed Julie through the crowd, fingers intertwined she kept a good pace until they reached the medical tents where there was a much smaller crowd.

"Ohmygodohmygod! JULIE!"

Another almost smile reached R's lips as he saw Nora streak from the small assembled group of medical personal and rush towards them, grabbing her best friend and wrapping her in an unbreakable hug. R let the blonde's hand go for a moment to allow her to return the embrace. He wondered vaguely where M was…

"Oh you're okay, thank God." Nora's eyes were red, cheeks flushed, if he focused he could see her pulse beneath the skin of her neck.

"And…holy shit!" Nora finally seemed to notice R hovering behind them. "You…you're bleeding, he's bleeding!" she grabbed Julie's shoulders and shook her. R coughed once softly in what might have been a laugh with enough practice. "He's…mother of god." She slumped standing, R thought her posture was bad enough to pass for the undead.

"He's still quiet."

Julie looked over her shoulder and gave him another smile, warm and sunlight. "We're working on that."

He shrugged and she frowned, he shrugged again and she rolled her eyes, "C'mon shrugger, let's get you patched up." She dragged the unresisting former zombie over to the tents and sat him down, frowning for a moment and unsure on what to do next.

"Shirt off dead boy." Nora piped up, coming over with latex gloves on and a tray with disinfectant, swabs, and a needle and thread for stitches. There was also a squirt bottle of water.

He gave her an odd look, confused for a moment before he shook himself and started tugging at his hoodie zipper, fingers clumsy and shaking; As long as there wasn't any more make-up.

"Here, let me." Julie's dexterous fingers replaced his and tugged the zipper down, stiff with blood and God knew what else. She pushed the red fabric from his shoulders and then tugged his grey…ish shirt up and off, ruffling his still damp hair.

Nova sucked in a breath and closed her eyes for a moment and honestly, looking down, R didn't blame her. Scars ran across his body in odd formations, there was a now healed wound from Perry's gunshot days before and the new one, which leaked ruby liquid that he kept staring at. Red…red was life.

"Okay, let's clean this up and see what we're working with." Nora brought up the water filled bottle and, holding a piece of gauze beneath, carefully cleaned out the wound. The cold and shock made R twitch, but otherwise he watched with interest and wonder. So…bleeding, this was bleeding. Lips twitched again for a moment.

"So, at least you can check your dad shooting him off your list of things to worry about." Nora stated after she'd cleaned off the wound, next came the disinfectant which stung but R barely flinched, again transfixed.

Julie mumbled something under her breath that Nora giggled at, lips spread to reveal white teeth and R wondered at that. White, white was clean, white was the opposite of black, which was darkness. Darkness was the airport, was Bonies, was flickering lights in dead hallways. White was life, was revitalization, white was Julie and clear skies and dreams. He liked white.

"Y'know, you could jump in anytime here buddy." Nora stated softly as she padded the wound dry and brought up a needle thread with black.

He thought for a moment –say something, anything, give it a try, "N-not dead." He said, voice getting clearer.

Nora blinked for a moment, so did Julie, before they both smiled –Julie's eyes were shimmering- "No…no you're not…this might hurt." Nora started to take the needle to skin and R tried a hand at smiling again, it felt stiff and awkward and wonderful.

"Good."

Julie flinched like someone hit her, "What?"

"Pain…means…I'm a-alive." He tried the smile thing again, it felt better and Julie's expression softened again so obviously it didn't look too horrendous. _Nailed it!_

The needle did hurt, but R savored every pinch and pull as the thread was pulled through his skin. It felt wonderful and awful and…he hoped he never took it for granted.

~0~

A/N: I'm thinking this is going to become a collection of one shots of R relearning how to be human. If people like this I'll continue. Review and let me know, or this is staying a one shot.


	2. Sleep Under Light of the Moon

Disclaimer: See first chapter.

A/N: Holy reviews Batman! Well, it's official, you guys like this shit, so…..tada! I'm continuing. There's no set number of chapters, and I am all for suggestions. If you want to see something, lay down a review and if it sparks something, I'll write it. Please don't just review to suggest something though it kinda bums me out, and that's what PMs are for.

Enjoy!

P.S. I'll be giving you a timeline for each chapter as they come, they will most likely come out of order as I write them.

This one comes on the evening following Chapter 1 (The Difference Between Black and White).

~O~

Julie had been adamant he rest, so had Nora, it was a foreign thought. Rest, when he'd never dreamed. Odd. Julie had taken him home, the General was off somewhere else doing god knew what so he couldn't protest his daughter taking home the former zombie, and Nora was the other one forcing him to rest so she didn't mind the additional roommate and R, well, he didn't really care because now he was tired, bone weary…dead on his feet.

He shivered, night had fallen once again and the moon was out, swollen and white and overreaching. A god in a silent sky that never listened, ignorant to pleas and prayers whispered into bloody palms and empty rooms, when dust settled and blood coagulated and there was nothing left. He'd had a lot of time to think and, frozen as he had been, he'd been unable to converse so he'd had silent conversations with the sky. They didn't really go anywhere, but still R looked to the moon like an old not-friend, but not an enemy.

Julie had tried to get him to sleep in her bed, but he had instead been adamant that it wasn't necessary, he'd gone who knew how long without sleeping, so where he finally lay to rest wasn't a huge concern for him. Still, she'd forced a pillow on him and a blanket before crawling under the covers of her bed. The moonlight snuck in through the balcony doors and from where he lay on the floor, R watched it trace shadows along the floor. He knew he could sleep, but he was scared, scared because now he was alive…could he die again? What if he died while he was asleep? It wasn't a good thought and it made every muscle he now had proper use of tense under clean jeans and soft t-shirt and warm blanket. Everything smelt like Julie, but the clothes, which were apparently 'new', or as new as you could get. They weren't covered in blood and brains at the very least, and they were comfortable. Still, R wondered for a moment if he could find a replacement for his hoodie. Maybe blue…blue was a nice color.

"R? You still awake?"

He turns his head to see Julie blinking at him owlishly, rubbing at her eyes with one hand, hair mussed and tangled and a little frizzy. He thought she looked adorable.

"Yeah." He replies softly.

He hears her sigh before her long legs appear from under her blanket, followed by the rest of her as she slides from her bed to the floor and half rolls, half crawls over to him to share the pillow. She sighs softly, eyes closing for a second before opening again and locking with his.

"You know you can sleep now."

"I know." He replies, quick, soft, gentle.

She smiles, quick, soft, gentle, and rubs her nose against his. It's strange, the sensation; kind of a tickle, kind of a kiss. His lips quirk up into a smile that feels easy and natural, muscles getting back into practice, using memory his brain no longer had.

She sighs, breath ghosting over his face and his smile widens ever so slightly, for just a moment that she couldn't see, eyes closed once again, fighting what feels like a lifetime buildup of exhaustion.

"You can't sleep for forever, and now you can, but you won't." she yawns, "Will you always be this confusing?"

For a moment he can only watch her, blinking slowly and watching her start to slip back into the folds of sleep and he feels…happy, so happy. He didn't know what it was at first, back in that pool when he could feel the warmth of the sun, and the chill of the water and he was…they were kissing and he had felt happy. Now…now is a different kind of happy. It's warm, like a blanket, wrapping around his heart snuggly and he doesn't feel in control so much as he is being instinctively driven to wrap his arms around her and pull her close. She curves into his embrace with barely a murmur, nose brushing the hollow of his throat and he finally closes his eyes.

He'll wake up in the morning, he'll wake up and then he'll fall asleep again the next night and he'll figure out this sleep thing. He might even give the bed a try, but for now he has the floor and a pillow and Julie, which is so much better than anything else and he's happy…content, actually.

And he can finally sleep with the moon hovering outside, swollen with those many prayers and whispers that are slowly, but surely, being answered.

~O~

A/N: Chapters will vary in length and fluffiness/angst/whatever other crap I come up with.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed the first chapter, and alerted and favorited this story you are all amazing and I love you to pieces!

I'll post for every 15+ reviews if I have something written and ready to post, btw (this one came late because I was unsure on whether to pelt you with fluff or angst) I promise, future author notes won't be as craptastically long as these ones.


	3. Heartbeat Beat Harder

Disclaimer: Chapter 1.

A/N: Sorry for the delay, FF was being glitchy and shit so I didn't want to get your guys' hopes up if you saw an update but it didn't take. Here it is now, enjoy!

Timeline: A month or so after chapter 1.

~O~

R was curled in the corner, clutching at his chest and biting his lip hard enough he could taste blood, but none of that mattered because something was wrong, something _had_ to be wrong. Every few seconds a sharp…_something_ would resonate in his chest. It didn't feel normal, it was quick and hard and hurt a little bit. He didn't like it and it scared him because he felt like he should know what it was, but he didn't and it _hurt_ and he was alone and he didn't know what to do and _God_ he was shaking.

He gasped at the strike against his rids and felt blood trickle down his chin from his split lip. It was familiar and not in a good way and the taste made him nauseous and he was trembling and he squeezed his eyes shut tight, bowing his head and trying not to scream. This was just a nightmare and any second he'd wake up and he'd be lying on the floor next to Julie's bed and everything would be okay.

"Hey R, you here? Julie was busy so I, _R_!" something hit the floor and looking up R saw Nora running to him and falling to her knees as she tripped on the rug, she just kept crawling to him.

"R, are you okay? What's wrong? Are you hurt? Say something! Oh God you're bleeding!" she had her hands on either side of his face and her eyes were wide and worried and he felt the tightness in his throat abate something because _alone_ wasn't something that stayed in his life very long now.

"Nora…I…"

"Hey, hey, okay, you're talking, that's good." She smiled, but it was weak and shaky and not Nora and he didn't like it at all.

He wanted to say something but in that moment that thing in his chest hit again and he gasped, grabbing at his chest.

"R?!" she lurched forward just as he curled into himself.

"Hurts…something hurts. I-I don't know." Blood-taste in his mouth, could smell it too, nonononononono…

"Shh, shh, it's okay, you're okay." Nora's hands on his face, breath easing, blood-taste still there, but he could smell peaches…Nora.

"I don't know what's happening." He gasped out and she shushed him again, gently, hands threading through his hair and he grabbed her wrist tight, trying to find a tether, stay awake, stay breathing, stay alive.

_Thump-thump…thump-thump…thump-thump…_

He could feel Nora's pulse under his fingers, it's familiar, that resonance of a beating heart…it meant life, before it meant his next meal, now it just meant safe.

R paused, feeling the pulse under his fingers, and then the _thump_ in his own chest and he let out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding.

"A heartbeat…it's, I have…" he looked up and Nora was watching him, scared and worried, but not of him and he let out a breathy chuckle, _because now it makes sense_.

For the few weeks he's been, well, _alive_, he's still been somewhat _dead_, muscles not used to getting a fresh supply of blood, of needing sleep and normal food –god, apples were _amazing_- and all matter of necessities, but he still hadn't really had a heartbeat, at least not a recognizable one. The medics had said it was faint, like he was in a coma, enough to keep blood flowing, but not really strong enough to be heard without proper equipment. He hadn't even had much of a pulse really, and now…now there was a study _thump-thump_ in his chest.

He laughed again, "I have a heartbeat." He said louder, lips spread revealing surprisingly white teeth and Nora joined him. Her teeth glistened and a giggle bubbled from her throat and she placed her hand on his chest and he held it there and they sat, for just a moment, and felt the steady beat.

Nora didn't say anything, she didn't have to, because the next thing he knew, R had arms full of Nora and he couldn't stop the sigh that left him. Julie was wonderful, she loved him, he loved her, there was a bond there that he could never, and would never, sever, but this was something else, something that was missing. He was welcomed by people, so were all the former undead, but people were still wary. People in general were scared of death, it was the unknown, the other side, and to see people come _back_ to life was scary, seeing them regain their humanity was just another blast of _something else_ that no one could be blamed for being wary of it. So yes, Julie was wonderful, she showered him with affection that he was learning to receive and give back in turn, but other people, people who had never faced that _other side_, were not as open with physical contact. He had seen Nora interacting with other former zombies, she had been as at ease as she would have been with any other person, but still, getting that warm, welcoming physical contact of a hug? Well, those didn't come easy for the undead from just anyone, and now…now he was getting a hug, a hug from a friend who he realized he cared for, and who cared for him.

"This is good…this is really good." He heard her voice, muffled by his shoulder and he smiled.

"It's weird."

She pulled back and started laughing, loud and hard and he felt puzzled but also a little happy because the feeling is getting familiar. _Thump-thump, thump-thump, thump-thump…_

"This coming from a guy who used to be dead…God…okay." She seemed to steady and gather herself, taking a quick breath, "You are bleeding my friend." He lifted a hand to his mouth and it came back red, he winced, wiping his chin on the sleeve of his black shirt. _Blood_, he wondered if he'll always find such a deep hatred for it in the future.

"Yeah…let's actually clean you up." He pulled himself from the floor and she put her hands on her hips and looked up at him, his posture's improved tremendously and he now stands at least a foot taller than her.

As they left the room she punched him in the arm and he looked at her, surprised. She was glaring, but her eyes sparkled with mischief.

"You scared me you big doofus, never do that again."

He chuckled, the sound was getting easier, feeling more normal each time. "I'll try."

"Good, you big, tall, jerk. I don't like being scared like that."

~O~

A/N: R and Nora bonding fun times! Just want to say OMFG REVIEWS opsghsodfdofd…you guys are amazing, I almost started crying when I saw how many reviews there were for the last chapter…_literally_, there was near hyperventilation and a lot of OMG-ing. I love you guys, seriously.


	4. Accepting the Unacceptable

Disclaimer: Chapter 1.

A/N: Sorry this is late guys, I was taken out by the dreaded flu bug.

Timeline: Takes place after chapter 3, but before the wall is taken down (and the scene with Marcus in the rain; so before M remembers his full name)

~O~

He stood tall now, proper posture, sure steps, deep blue eyes, clean shaggy black hair and a healthy flush to his skin. His muscles were slowly growing stronger. They guessed he hadn't been dead long for his body to still be in relatively decent condition compared to others. He was healthy, he was human…he was still a zombie.

In sociology there was something called Social Relations, basically a fixed set of rules that dictated the way people interacted in different roles in society. The idea that structured social relationships allowed people to virtually predict at a basic level how others would respond to them. And in their post-apocalyptic society there had been two very clear roles defined in general: the Living and the Dead.

The Living had never contracted the plague, had never killed another Living to fill a never ending hunger; had never devoured a brain for make an otherwise nonexistent mental connection between being and remembering. They were the Angels in the land of the Damned.

The Dead were the plague infested rats of society. Those who killed, stripped flesh from bone, gorged on fatty tissue and grey matter and rich ruby blood. They were carnal, uncontrolled, and inhuman. They were the Demons among the Living.

And that was still the way a good number of the populace saw it. R knew it, was learning to recognize it and…it hurt. He would be walking with Julie or Nora or M, and he and M would get the skirted glances and hidden glares. They weren't common, far too many people were just glad the cure had been found. In fact many more came up and said hello, shook M's hand, hugged Julie and gave R warm smiles. It was acceptance and so much more than R had ever imagined, but people were still people, and there are always those in society who hate because they believe they have a reason. A stupid, arbitrary reason, but a reason nonetheless. He guessed that without racism and other useless bigotry like homophobia and sexism, people had to aim that stupid societal hate at something.

It had been one of those days where sound and light and everything got to be too much and he had snuck out of the house he now shared with Julie and Nora and, hiding his face in the hood of his navy hoodie, started walking down the street, ducking into shadows and alleys to avoid large groups of people. It wasn't that he was scared or nervous, but he didn't feel like being bothered tonight. For the first time ever he missed his 747 and the peace and quiet it had offered for just him and his thoughts.

He loved his new life, just the fact that he could have an honest to god conversation was amazing in its own right, but sometimes things just got to the point where it was too much. When even Julie's warm presence was too much and tiny dark thoughts crept into his mind so he ducked out for a few hours. He just needed some time, some time for himself, for his hands to stop shaking, for the memories of blood on his tongue and hot flesh between his teeth to go away; for that fear and rage to wash away with the tides and reveal a clean slate.

It was times like this that words actually failed him and he could feel the weight of atrophied muscles and rotting flesh and he knew that this…this was why people still hated them, because no matter what happened or how they changed, they had still been Dead. They still had those memories of being monsters and it was enough to ruin any person, destroy their mind…

The thing about being dead though, was that they'd had a lot of time to find that dark edge of the cliff and look over. Every single one of them had those memories of blood and flesh and brain seared into their revitalized minds. That grey squishy stuff in their skulls was more familiar to them than it was to neurosurgeons in the days before the end. And it was guaranteed that a former zombie could find someone else who was having the same problems in this new world. They were never alone, not anymore, not when silence had been the only answer to muffled screams turned to low moans from rotted vocal cords for far too long.

R made his way down the street, finally ducking into an alley that was really a tiny street with apartment like buildings on either side. There was room for maybe two people to stand shoulder to shoulder, what with the doors set flat into the walls and no actual stoops or steps to take up space. It was tight and claustrophobic. It was where he felt he could breathe easy for the first time all day. He lowered his hood and put his hands in his sweater pockets, strolling down the narrow strip with all the ease he might have had in his first Living life.

"You're out late." A voice chimes from one of the doorways. R recognizes her from the airport, she has dark wavy hair and green eyes now, she's curvy and there are two other pairs of eyes hiding in the dark behind her. He can smell the scent of the former Dead: it's musty but not rancid. Like dry earth, old but not yet gone forever.

"Couldn't sleep." Yes he knows her, just as he knows the other two behind her; one is another girl, short and slim, barely reaching the shoulder of the woman in the doorway. Her eyes are warm chestnut brown, with short black hair and Asian features. Next to the green eyed girl she's tiny and adorable. Green Eyes stands protectively as if she doesn't even realize she's doing it, protecting her pack, like he does with Julie and Nora. Behind both girls there is a man, tall, broad shouldered and tanned skin. With the dark eyes and short hair he reminds R something of a bear, but none of them are out to hurt him. No, in this area R is the nomad with no real pack, but easily welcomed by any of those that have formed in this strip of neighborhood set aside for the not so dead undead.

"You want to come inside?" the Asian girl asks, voice sweet and warm and he knows she is easy to like. He glances up at the bear of a man, but it seems he is smiling; it makes him seem much less terrifying when he towers over even R who stands at a kind 6'2.

"Yeah, okay." He walks the half a step to the open doorway and ducks into the home. It's warm, glowing by candlelight and he knows that in the rooms above him, more of his kind slumbers into the night, revisiting dreams they'd long lost into black blood and gore.

Here he is accepted, here the nightmares are quiet and the glares are nonexistent and somehow there is an atmosphere of hope and wonder, because they have all done the impossible. They have all faced death and now, thanks to him and his weird, weird, oddness and falling in love with a Living, they all have a future. Those dark, rotten memories are still there, they hide in the shadows in the forms of Bonies and torn corpses, but they are beaten away by the fact that here there is no judgment. It's like a giant, silent group therapy that they didn't know they needed but flock to instinctively.

They'll find their new place in the world, R is beginning to find that his is next to Julie in the sunlight forever, where they are just another face in the crowd and their pasts are not put upon their shoulders for judgment. But for tonight, there is solace in the confines of a small home, amongst those who understand, and tonight he can find peace.

Here, there is silence in a room of screams.

~O~

A/N: This one was caught between inspirational and downright depressing…it didn't know what it wanted to be when it grew up.

On another note, I'm going to Warm Bodies again tonight! *Happiness*

Thanks again to everyone who has reviewed, subscribed and favorited this story so far!


	5. Compatibility

A/N: It's my b-day, so as a present to you guys, here's the next chapter. I hope you like it.

~O~

R was curled up loosely on his side, one arm tucked under his head, back curled slightly, legs bent at the knee just so, bare feet hidden by the blanket that he still somehow managed to work all the way down to his ankles even if it started up at his ear before he fell asleep. His eyes were closed, lips parted slightly, watching closely she could see his body move with each breath. He was completely relaxed, in a deep slumber and aside from breathing he didn't move. Julie watched him in an odd parody of their time on the 747, this time with the roles reversed.

He looked so peaceful, so harmless and gentle and calm in sleep. Just a few weeks before, he would have laid flat on his back, arms at his sides, like a corpse in a coffin. She wasn't really a fan of the position. He had kept it up for a few days actually, until his muscles revived enough for him to feel how incredibly uncomfortable it was. She still remembered the first morning she'd woken up to see he'd moved during the night. He had been in a similar position, but with no blanket and she could only stare because that...was not something she expected.

She'd stared at him then the way she was now, with absolute fascination and contemplation. He still had something against beds, which she found odd, but she knew it would pass.

He was a silent sleeper, no snoring no midnight mutterings, just slow, even breathes. She wanted to crawl closer and just lay beside him for hours, but he woke up whenever the temperature around him changed. She and Nora guessed it was because he wasn't used to feeling even slight changes in temperature. So the foreign warmth of her body would definitely do it, still, it was ever so tempting. She wanted to take the slow careful moments and savor them like a good wine. It was something new to her, being able to savor moments, take her time, relax and just breathe.

Before, with Perry, they hadn't had the option to go slow in their relationship. The world was pretty much over, you took what you could as fast as possible. They'd gone fast, maybe too fast, and she knew their relationship had suffered for it. Now...now she had the option of getting to know every nuance of her partner as fast or as slow as she wanted. It didn't hurt that R had an insatiable curiosity for anything and everything relating to her. Conversation with Perry had been easy and relaxed, but near the end, when he lost hope, everything just sort of stopped. It went static and hard to get through. By that point, she was lucky to get a conversation that didn't end in both parties being pissed off within twenty minutes. It wasn't her fault, and it hadn't been his either. The problem was that he had given up while she still carried a spark of hope in her. That wasn't the problem with R, because he was hope.

R was warmth and security -Safe he said, always safe- was solid and real and there, always there, always willing to catch her. He could sit in silence and just listen, and he was getting much better at the whole conversation thing. He told her once that he had so many thoughts in his head that sometimes he got lost in them, but now that he could actually have a full conversation with someone, he didn't know where to start. So she could speak for hours about anything that popped into her mind and he would sit there and listen, that happy glazed look in his eyes that meant he was treasuring every word she said and cherishing the vowels and consonants, the changes in tempo and tone. Still, he would always remain focused on her. And whenever she asked a question, he would answer, honestly, sometimes brutally honest, but it was always appreciated. He didn't hide anything from her, he didn't want to. She knew it was because he had some kind of guilt complex built up in him due to his actions as a zombie, so she always followed some of those brutal, honest answers with a warm smile and a sweet kiss or gentle hug.

And that was another thing; Perry had flinched away from contact at the end. He wouldn't take her hand for even a moment, or brush her hair away from her face. R was so different, you would think for a person of the formerly dead persuasion he wouldn't have had much of an idea when it came to physical contact, but it was almost an instinct for him that he followed with her. He would wrap his arm around her shoulders instead of taking her hand, kiss her on the forehead in the morning, hug her for no damn reason, or he would just smile at her; that lovely little awkward smile of his that pulled at his lips and teased a glimpse of his teeth.

She reveled and flourished under the attention. She's always been a bubbly person, even in the midst of the end of the world; she'd had hope for a better, brighter future. She loved the sun and warm days and picnics and daydreaming. She had an entire wall in her bedroom dedicated to hope even before there was any hint of a cure, even when her mother had disappeared into the black abyss of the apocalypse and her father had practically followed her, as if tethered at the very core of his soul. Still, she remained a light in the darkness, it drew people to her, sometimes in a good way, sometimes not. The kids at the school loved her, and despite the fact that they were being trained to destroy the undead, she managed to help them retain a glint of innocence by reading them old books, _The Hobbit, Harry Potter, The Chronicles of Narnia_, things full of magic and wonder. Older residents thought it was silly to have children believing in things such as magic, but she always had her argument ready: if the dead could come back to life, who could say magic didn't exist? There was still drawbacks though, the people who were drawn to her light for all the wrong reasons. Those were times she thought she would be overwhelmed by the darkness, but she always came out swinging. She was a warrior.

Now that hope had a bigger outlet than ever and it grew brighter with each passing day. Julie knew it was what had drawn Perry to her in the first place, and while it hadn't been enough to keep him afloat, it drew R to her like a moth to a flame. She knew the why – he had seen Perry's memories- but that wasn't a new thing. No other memories before had made him change how he saw the people he attacked, he hadn't cared, he had only had the hunger. Those memories flashed through his brain for moments, but then he had been back to the hunt. So it hadn't been Perry's feelings for her that had influenced his own, no, it had been a second…a second to see that light in her. Only a second and it had changed everything. Like a spark, it started a fire that couldn't be stopped.

Julie nuzzled her pillow, fighting a groan or a giggle she didn't know, she wasn't making sense to herself even in her own head. She needed sleep, needed sleep to get clarity. In the morning she'd be able to see things clearer and maybe continue that thought process. R was nothing like Perry, Perry was nothing like R…god, there was nothing to compare…

She didn't believe in destiny, but…maybe she believed she was _meant_ to meet R. Maybe in some alternate universe where there was no plague they were together or maybe…

Now she knew she needed sleep, needed sleep…Needed R.

She threw off her covers and slid to the floor. Damning if he woke up, Julie crawled next to the dark haired young man and lay on her side, face a hairs breath from his she smiled. She could count each individual hair on his head and each eye lash. She could see his irises contact as he opened his eyes.

He didn't say anything, not like Perry would have, he only sighed and wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her close. She smiled into his chest as he pulled the blanket up from around his feet to her shoulders. She felt him kiss the top of her head before relaxing again and she knew he would be asleep in moments.

"R?"

She felt more than heard the soft grunt she got in response as it rumbled in his chest and made his throat vibrate.

"I love you."

The arm he had wrapped around her tightened for a moment before pulling her even closer.

"I love you too." His voice was rough with sleep, very close to how it had been when he was dead.

She smiled and wrapped her own arm around his stomach, tangling her legs with his she sighed, finally feeling tired.

She needed sleep, but she needed R more. Needed him in a way she hadn't needed Perry. They had been good together, he had been a good man and his death hurt her, but R was different…R was compatible with her in a way Perry hadn't been.

Perry had been a candle to be lit by her spark, but it had been easily snuffed out. R was kindling, he blazed with her spark and only grew brighter with her.

She had existed with Perry, with R she _lived_.


	6. Blue Eyes

A/N: I'm glad everyone is enjoying this so far, I hope this holds up to expectations. Enjoy the fluff!

~O~

"You guys are going to have such beautiful blue eyed babies together!"

To say that R was glad he wasn't drinking anything in that moment would have been an understatement, otherwise he would have been in the same boat as Julie: hacking, coughing and spluttering at Nora's sudden exclamation. Or maybe not so sudden, she had been staring at them for some time after all.

As it was, R just felt a very hot, very red, blush bloom on his cheeks as he patted Julie's back as she attempted to breathe. He should have known letting Nora talk him into a night of drinking was a bad idea, but she had been so excited over the travel bottles of vodka Julie had snuck out of his 747, he just couldn't say no. Also, Julie had given him the look that he was beginning to realize was going to be his downfall. He could never say no.

"Nora!" Julie exclaimed once she was able to breathe again.

The other girl shrugged, "Well I'm just saying."

"I'm nineteen!"

"And I'm twenty three and the world has ended, let me live through you!" R blinked rapidly, maybe it was just a former undead thing, but he didn't see the logic.

Nora growled and crossed her arms, swaying unsteadily on her precarious perch on the back of the armchair. She had yet to sit in it normally and had so far: sat on either arm, on the floor leaning against it, vertically with her legs hanging off one side, upside-down and now she was perched with her feet planted on the cushion, seated on the back in danger of tipping backwards.

"What? You don't think so? You have blue eyes, R's are scary cerulean and you're both pretty, ergo, your babies will be pretty with blue eyes."

R sat rooted in place, waiting for Julie to have some kind of comeback, but apparently she was just as flabbergasted as he was. So his eyes just flit between the two girls, waiting for either someone to barge in and disrupt the awkward moment, Nora to fall out her seat or Julie to shoot her best friend.

When 'none of the above' occurred he cleared his throat and began gathering the empty bottles, there was a noticeably larger pile near Nora. He found alcohol went straight to his head far too easily to be comfortable drinking a large amount, apparently being dead was killer on your alcohol tolerance – plus, the fuzziness was all too similar to being dead. He'd take cold clarity over warm intoxication thank-you-very-much. He could feel Nora staring at him and struggled not to react before finally looking up to see her smirking widely.

"What? Come on dead boy, don't tell me you guys haven't even thought about bumping uglies." She's grinning like the cat that caught the canary and R is sure he can hear the blood rushing to his face once again.

"Nora, can we please move on to another topic." Julie's voice is higher than normal and she is studying the floor with amazing focus.

The older girl's smile only grew as she rocked side-to-side, one elbow braced on her knee and her chin in her hand, teeth white and shining.

"I think…you've had enough." R stumbles through his words only slightly, and it's most certainly not from inebriation. He is getting better with the number of syllables he's able to get through smoothly when speaking.

Nora practically whines as he takes her still very full, and very aromatic, cup from her hand. He gives her what he hopes is a decently intimidating glare, before leaving the living room to pour out the remaining liquid. He's proud to say he walks like a normal person without any shuffle or limp left in his step.

While he's rinsing out glasses, he can still hear Nora and Julie over the rush of the sink.

"Come on, you guys still haven't done it! I can hardly believe that." Nora's voice is starting to slur, but she still has better pronunciation than most zombies R notices with some irritation.

"Nora, he's still healing, and anyways, who says we have to rush into anything." He can practically see Julie twisting that stubborn lock of hair round and round her finger. She does it when she reads too.

"Okay, but your face still says you think about it…and I know you, and I've seen him, so you think about it a lot!" he can hear Nora cackling and knows that Julie is probably glaring daggers.

"Nora! He'll hear you!"

"So? Maybe it'll move things along! He treats you like you're glass, you're not gonna break if you get a little frisky between the sheets!" there's more cackling and he's sure his face would glow in the dark, mostly because Nora's words could apply to himself too…he would admit, if only to himself, that he had troubles just kissing Julie and not letting himself try for more.

Walking and talking he has issues with, but it appears not everything needs to be relearnt.

"Come on! Don't tell me you haven't fantasized about his-"

"Finish that sentence and you're a dead woman."

As Nora continues to chortle R finally feels safe enough to rejoin them, not so sure how red is face is, but he doesn't feel like he's beet red anymore, so he can only hope.

The moment he sees Julie however, he's a goner; her lips are pursed, her cheeks a lovely shade of ruby, eyes flashing in that way he loves so much – what kind of mind does he have that the immediate danger signals she's giving off turns him on – hands clenching on her knees as she glares at Nora who has slid onto the chair, she's almost sitting normally, holding her stomach and laughing so hard there are tears running down her face.

He shakes his head and goes over to haul Nora into his arms with surprising ease, quickly enough that it startles her from her fit.

"Oohkay big boy, put me down."

He decides to try something and looks down at Nora with what he hopes is an evil smirk. If the way she pales is any indication, he either succeeded or she's about to throw up.

Seeing as she just goes silent as he carries her upstairs, Julie tailing him with her own grin plain to see, he decides he succeeded on the smirk and takes Nora to her room without any fuss. He dumps her on her bed and she stares up at the two of them with what may be shock and some sudden epiphany.

"Yeah, gorgeous kids with blue eyes who are going to be able to swindle anyone out of anything, ever." She finally lays back and R chuckles, leaving Julie to try and coax her inebriated friend into more fitting bed clothes.

He's taken a shower and is changed into a pair of loose sweat pants and a long sleeved black shirt by the time she enters her, well _their_, room.

"She is going to have one hell of a hangover in the morning." She mutters as she digs through her drawers. R only watches her, appreciating the curve of her back –and a bit lower- before she goes to the bathroom to change. A smile makes his lips twitch as he leans back against the bed, twirling an elastic band around his wrist over and over again.

He's still staring off into the ether when Julie sits down sideways on his lap. He meets her bright eyes with his own for just a moment before her lips claim his and his heart is racing again. He's still healing, they all are, but he feels completely alive whenever they kiss. He can feel electricity running through his body from the contact and every nerve in his body twitches with energy.

When she pulls back she's smiling and so is he, and he's in that moment where he couldn't let her go if he tried with his arms looped around her waist holding her small body snuggly to his larger one.

"You know…it could happen, in the future, maybe." Her voice is soft, muffled by the fabric of his shirt as she rests her head on his shoulder.

He smiles a bit, "Beautiful blue eyed babies?"

She snorts, "Try saying that ten times fast."

"Have issues as it is." He mutters, kissing her forehead. Nora smells like peaches, Julie smells like lavender. He doesn't know how seeing as any perfumes, lotions or soaps with added scent haven't been around for years and yet they both smell of the life of the outdoors; Sweet and lively and healthy.

She smiles and looks up at him, "But you think, maybe in the future…you and me?" there is so much hope in her voice it is almost painful.

He smiles happily, warmly and it has never felt so natural, "You and me…forever."

She nuzzles his neck, placing a kiss over his pulse and sighing, "I like the sound of that."

~O~

A/N: I believe I got the ages correct from the book, if anyone knows differently let me know.


	7. Imperfections

Disclaimer: Nothing but the words belong to me (all recognisable people, places, etc, belong to their respective owners and shall be treated as such) luckily, I can still play in the sandbox of wondrous imagination!

A/N: Sorry this is late guys, got busy with school. And the next one is probably not going to be for another few weeks because I'm moving, but I know you lovelies can tough it out.

Timeline: Takes place not long after chapter 4 and after M remembers his name.

~O~

There is a perfectly straight, two inch long scar in the middle of his chest from where Julie had stuck him with a knife. There are two round puckered scars on his left shoulder from gun shots delivered by Perry and General Grigio. There are other similar scars on his upper body from unremembered altercations. His face has several thin scars across his cheeks and nose that are barely visible now, and his hands are littered with the tiny marks from god knows when and what. Needless to say, R is not unfamiliar with scars, he pays them little mind and care and they tend not to bother him on a day to day basis. Julie, on the other hand, gets a faraway glazed look in her eyes whenever a particular scar or two catch her eye. She'll run her fingers other them, lips gently parted and he can see her memorizing the change in skin texture. It's endearing and sweet to him, that she would care enough to want to memorize marks on his skin that even he doesn't bother with.

There is one, however, that he's never let anyone see, in fact, he himself hadn't noticed it until long after his heart started beating and he slowly became more aware of his body.

It was in the crook of his right elbow, usually hidden by long sleeves and hoodies, he barely noticed it under the spray of water in the shower. He hadn't noticed it until one day, one day when the sun was beating down and the house was boiling even with all the windows open and he wished for just a moment to be dead again so he wouldn't feel like he was melting. He had removed his button up shirt and lay down on the floor in the living room, planning to hide in the shadows and read a book until the sun decided that the earth –or maybe just their little corner of it- was crispy enough. He was stretching his arms above his head when he saw it.

It wasn't altogether impressive or gruesome; barely two and a half inches in diameter maybe, faint against his skin flush with life and crescent like in shape. What was important, what made his heart lurch, was the fact that he could count each individual place where teeth had punctured the skin.

It was like getting punched in the stomach the sudden lurch, like the floor had dropped out from under him suddenly and he was free-falling. His view got hazy and his breathing became shallow and…

R was pretty sure he had passed out because when he came to the temperature had dropped and the sun was setting. In fact, it was rather pleasant, but all he could feeling was his skin crawling and his stomach churning and tightness in his throat that wouldn't go away.

He had hidden in the closet. It had seemed like a valid idea at the time, he still had no idea why, but the cramped space, with his legs tucked to his chest, arms wrapped around them and face buried in his knees seemed to make everything easier to manage…god he was a nutcase.

If there were still therapists he was sure he'd make one very, very rich with the amount of help he probably needed.

He had stayed there for what was probably a good couple hours until Julie and Nora got home from the school where they'd been teaching the kids all day. He had left the closet, splashed some water on his face and gone down to join them as if nothing was wrong.

That had been two days ago, and he was back in the closet after a nightmare had him fleeing the bed he now shared with Julie. Everything was too exposed, too easy to get to…here, in the dark, he was safe.

"R? R, where did you go?" he could hear Julie's sleep slurred voice. He'd woken her up without a doubt and he itched to climb back in bed and wrap her in his arms, but his limbs were lead and refused to react. He heard her huff and the squeak of bed springs before the sound of bare feet on carpet reached his ears.

"R, if this is some zombie thing, can we do it in the morning?" when he didn't respond he heard her voice pick up slightly, "R?"

He took in a deep breath through his nose, but every time he tried to get up, the scar in the crook of his arm seemed to burn and flashes from his nightmare –which he was getting more and more sure about being memories- came screaming back and it was all he could do not to hyperventilate.

Every muscle in his body went tight as a bow string when the closet door opened, catching on that pesky corner of the carpet before Julie forced it the rest of the way open.

"R?" she sounded puzzled and he knew he would be too in her place, as it was he was fighting every instinct in him screaming to get up and run until he couldn't run anymore. Logically, he knew he was safe, not so logically, he was trapped in the land between waking and dreaming where his nightmare ran amok.

"R, what's wrong?" her hand was a balm as it settled on the back of his neck and he felt that this was becoming too common an occurrence, he did have a penchant to completely lose all sense of reality sometimes. He was sure Julie and Nora were sick of it…

"Remembering." He breathed out between clenched teeth.

"What are you remembering, R?"

God he hopes he doesn't lose it as he looks up to see her watching him, it's still warm out and she's in a thin blue t-shirt and shorts so short it's sinful. Meanwhile, he's hiding under long sleeves and boxer shorts. It doesn't take a genius to figure out he's hiding something and Julie knows him too well to believe any thin lie he may spin.

"H-how…how I…" he shakes his head, a very zombie like growl building up in the back of his throat without his control. Still, Julie waits patiently, her fingers threading through his sweaty hair and he focuses on that instead of the fear clawing at his insides like an animal.

"I remember how I…died." That last word comes out through pure stubbornness alone. Talking about his time as one of the Dead was easy, but it seemed even thinking about how that came to be physically hurt.

To her credit, Julie didn't even seem to pause when he spoke, her fingers kept up their gentle caress, even when her eyes flashed with something akin to sadness and fear.

"Is that what you were dreaming about?" of course she knows about his nightmares, she's right there after all. Still, R only nods, unable to speak through the tightness in his throat that makes him feel like he's drowning.

"Do you want to tell me?" she's sincere and that alone makes him want to spill his guts, but looking in her eyes, he sees that she also is terrified to know. She's scared, she doesn't want to know what it's like to die, at least she doesn't want to know the fear of being eaten alive.

With the memory of gore spattered teeth and the fire of poison in his veins and the steady, but terrifying sense of your entire body shutting down fresh in his mind…well, he wishes he didn't remember.

So he lies, "Not really."

And Julie nods, but he can see the relief in her eyes and he knows he'll talk to someone about it, maybe M…er, Marcus. He'd know, or any of the other former undead he's gotten to know like the trio from the zombie neighborhood he'd met a few weeks ago, Green Eyes, or Abby, the little Asian girl Mary and the tall bear like man Robby.

Julie…he could get away with keeping her from those horrors from his past. After all, he promised to keep her safe, even if he was keeping her safe from his own memories.


End file.
